New Study: Gambling Boosts Energy Levels

 

Working in news I have discovered scientists, politicians and researchers can all make the “stats” prove whatever they want them to.  With that in mind I felt I should start my own research institute, “The Stinchfield Institute of What is Really Good for You.”

My studies will serve as argument ammunition for every, no good, low down, degenerate gambler, golf playing but always fun loving individuals.  My first five commissioned studies are listed below.

NEW STUDY FINDS:

1. Excessive drinkers tend to be more fun at parties.
2. Playing Golf at least three times a week improves relationship with spouse.
3. Aggressive drivers have far fewer accidents then the average law abiding driver.
4. Gambling serves as tool to teach children math skills.
5. Watching TV at least 20 hours a week improves mental capacity and ability to focus.

New Study: Gambling Can Lead to Money Loss

I always see all kinds of obvious studies reported on the news each night.  Some are so obvious it is silly to even report the findings.  I thought of a few that I swear I have seen in the past, if not, I am sure we will see them in the future.

1. Drinking combined with smoking can lead to increased health risks.
2. Skydiving while pregnant can be dangerous.
3. Kids who fall from bicycles suffer an increased risk of scraping their knees.
4. Fried foods may taste good, but a recent study shows fried foods can make you fat.
5. People who swat at bees have an increased risk of getting stung.

The question is, Who is funding these absurd studies?  Next on Grant’s Rant I come up with a few studies I might try to find funding for.  Stay tuned.

The Secret Language…

Of Gin Players.  Yes anyone who plays gin knows what I am talking about.  There are all kinds of sayings and phrases many of which I can’t put on here. 

When David Sonnenmair is not yelling at me for my rookie Gin player mistakes he is often spouting off a host of Gin sayings that most non gin players would never understand.  If you feel you are worthy to learn this secret language of gamblers, read on.

This may be the first Gin Glossary every published on a Television News Site:

1. Are you baiting? – Tricking someone into giving you a card you need.
2. You’re Cut – When you have less points in your hand then your opponent.
3. You sitting up on me? – Waiting for your opponent to knock so you can cut him.
4. Not a smart knock. – When you are cut by your opponent.
5. You missed Gin – What David says to me at least once an hour. (When you have Gin, but don’t see it, even though everyone else in the room does.)
6. Is that a new go? – When you forget to turn over the knock card.
7. Frish? – When you want a new hand.  I often say “Fresh” because that makes more sense.
8. Play like a man. – When someone watching you tries to trick you into making a dumb throw.
9. Out in all three – You lost all three games.
10. Even in Boxes – You won just as many hands as your opponent but probably not as many points.
11. Do you want to turn? – Do you want to start a new game?
12. I got players. – I have some of your cards that I can play off in your hand.
13. Save what you can – I lost big, you better not lose big too!
14. We write – Your partner won more points then you lost.
15. You under the count? – Your partner won so many points you need to decrease the points in your hand so no matter what happens, you write.
16. What would Harry do? – When you are faced with a tough decision try to model your game off the greatest gin player of all time, the famous Harry Ballou.