Who Melts the Cheese?

Not the chefs at Canyon Creek Country Club!  It seems to me, for a chef, it is common sense to make sure the cheese is melted on any type of Egg Sandwich, Breakfast Burrito or Egg Omelette.  There is nothing worse than biting into your breakfast only to feel the cold chill of frozen cheese hit your tongue.  Cold Cheese on a HOT egg sandwich is like putting cold meatballs in a hot pasta.  

Many of you may be asking: why is he writing about cold cheese on an egg sandwich?  Because there is nothing I treasure more then waking up on a weekend morning, heading to the course and enjoying my breakfast with my golf buddies.  Instead, I am now forced to worry and fret over something that should come standard with any egg sandwich… MELTED CHEESE!  The fact is, I like my vodka on the rocks, not my cheese!  (Below is a re-enactment of how Canyon Creek prepares cheese before placing on an egg sandwich) 

NOT ONCE, NOT TWICE, NOT EVEN THREE TIMES!  But 5, yes FIVE times over the past month or so, my cheese has come out colder then then the Ice at the AA center, more chilled than Dirk Nowitzki’s jumper, more frozen then the tundra at Lambeau Field.  Is it to much to ask for?  Is it a wish that can only be granted by a fairy godmother?  Just melt the freakin cheese! 

Sadly, I will never order another egg sandwich at Canyon Creek again!  Breakfast cooks everywhere should look at the picture below and commit it to memory.

Punch the links below to see how to cook an Egg Sandwich:

Chef Bobby Flay - Food Network Sausage Egg and Cheese Sandwich 

Mr. Breakfast Egg Sandwich

EEE Cooks Bagel Egg Sandwich

The Smart Car

 

One Look at the Smart Car makes you wonder, where are all the circus clowns that go with it?  Drive up to Canyon Creek and they all emerge.  My first response was to laugh at the tiny vehicle that looks more like a wind up toy for Dirk Nowitzki then an actual automobile.  There is no way I would be caught dead driving one of those, I have an image to uphold.  I drive a Hummer H3, which my friends are all quick to point out is actually the girl version of all the Hummer models.  Still, the Smart Car makes my smallish H3 look like an Abrams M1A1 Battle Tank.  While giggling at my good friend Joe Redmond’s sporty new matchbox, I spotted him laughing. 

It turns out he was laughing at all of us.  His new Smart Car gets 45 miles to the gallon, I’m lucky to get 16.  I figured since the Smart Car is so small it can probably only hold two gallons of gas.  I was wrong, it holds 8 gallons.  That’s still 360 miles to the tank full.  Adding the the draw, for the low low price of $14,000 this Eco friendly chick magnet will be a major hit with the ladies of Green Peace.  It’s painted with water soluble paint and it’s classified as an ultra low emissions vehicle.

Being so small, I wondered about safety, especially with the man below driving it.  Look closely, that’s Truman Casey, the same guy who recently drove his golf cart into a pond.  I did check the safety record of the Smart Car and it turns out it did very well in it’s high speed collision test.  Not one bug that slammed into the windshield at 60mph did any damage to the vehicle.  Adding to the Eco friendly image, 9 out of 10 mosquitoes used in the test survived the collision. 

Truth is the Smart Car is made by Mercedes and the company prides itself on safety.  Plus the only other car that generated this much excitement from the Gin Players at Canyon Creek was Joe Redmond’s Bentley. 

Golf Carts Do Not Float

Most golfers know, golf carts do not float.  In fact, they are prone to sinking faster then a titleist missing the green on Sawgrass’s 17th.  But that didn’t stop one Canyon Creek legend from testing the waters with what he mistakenly thought was an amphibious cart.  It wasn’t.  The EZ Go is not a Hovercraft.

While searching for his golf ball that apparently was sitting dangerously close to the water in front of the number 8 tee box at Canyon Creek, Truman Casey drove dangerously close to the pond.  He said he was easing along when the tires slipped spinning the cart around.  Fearing the cart would crush him, Casey jumped, belly flopping into the pond. (That’s Casey below, not happy about me taking pictures)

Witnesses tell a different story.  They say Casey looked more like Burt Reynolds playing Hooper the Hollywood Stuntman.  His golf partners insist Casey was racing towards the pond at top speed, jumping the cart path curb then slamming on the breaks throwing the EZ Go into a controlled skid all while talking on the phone.  That controlled skid quickly got out of control, launching the cart into the water and Casey into the air, flipping him into the pond.  When he emerged from the muck and grime, Truman Casey looked like the creature from the Black Lagoon and smelled even worse.

The lesson, don’t drive a golf cart on a steep wet embankment next to a creek, but most of all don’t let Truman Casey drive.