As DFW’s Online TV News watch dog, Ed Bark aka Uncle Barky , wished I would do a story (most likely for him) on Jock Itch. He plugged it this way, “Only NBC5s Grant Stinchfield has the balls to show you how to fight this potentially fatal disease.” Uncle Barky dared me and other TV reporters to report on the real stories guys will watch. Since I don’t have the free reign to air that story on NBC5 News at 10, I can do it here on Grant’s Rant. (Meaning, yes I do have the…. guts)
First off let me say, as a former athlete (Div III Football, Denison University) I have had my share of “The Itch.” In fact anyone who plays golf during the mid day heat of a Texas summer knows what real “crotch rot” really is.
“Only on NBC5’s Grant’s Rant”: A story dedicated to the man most likely secretly living with Jock Itch, Uncle Barky, Ed Bark.
Jock Itch- a Clear and Present Danger
As the tempeture rises so does the danger. For Texas men, Jock itch lurks in every pair of tighty whities they own. The sweat generated in your privates quickly becomes a public matter when the scratching and grating takes ahold of your every waking hour.
When jock itch rears its ugly head, that place between a man’s legs can feel like its on fire. “It felt like the fleas of 1000 camels had invaded my boxers,” cried Al Scrachit. He is just one of the millions of men suffering from the dreaded disease.
Dr. Ree Leaf says men only need to see their physician for immediate results, “If it’s not treated early the itchiness and discomfort can get so bad men will scratch themselves to death.” The doctor insists if your afraid of a trip to the doctors office, a trip to the drug store can also do the trick. “The cooling sensation of a good anti fungal cream can mean the difference between life and death,” adds Dr. Ree Leaf.
“Once I rubbed that anti fungal cream on, my troubles disappeared with rash itself,” pronounced Al Scratchit after treatment.
Studies show the Jock Itch can spread faster then a cold on prom night. Thighs become red, and the groin becomes covered in a rash similar to what Gov. Elliot Spitzer experienced after his trip to D.C. The crotch rot will cause wives to accuse husbands everywhere of infidelity, when their husband’s only crime was a trip to the gym.
But NBC5 has learned you can beat “The Itch”. We are first to report the information that will finally let you rest easy.
- Bath Daily
- Change your underwear regularly
- Don’t share your underwear
- Stay dry
- Don’t use your gym socks to wipe down your private parts
For those of you that came here really suffering, I will not disappoint you. Uncle Barky you can Click here for the in depth information about how to cure that embarrassing jock itch that’s been with you since you first started work at the Dallas Morning News 50 years ago.
May 9, 2008 at 11:53 pm |
I was itching to read this one…now where did I put that tube of cream?
May 10, 2008 at 6:30 pm |
very funny. Maybe you not Uncle Barky should have been my “victim”