Grant’s Rant

Since Lance Armstrong is an athlete first, celebrity second, why not write about his newest love interest.  It seems this kind of schlock is what blog readers live for.  Though I try to keep my posts news, sports and humor related, I guess this falls into sports?

Gossip King Perez Hilton  says Lance and Kate will be spending a romantic weekend for two in Texas this weekend.  That after the new super couple flew to NYC together on a private jet.  I guess Kate Hudson likes Texans, didn’t she date Owen Wilson and aren’t Lance and Owen friends?

Maybe Kate’s just looking for some bike riding lessons.  At least that’s what Lance can tell Owen.

What is it with grown adults that they still engage in sex chat on-line with kids. Don’t they watch Dateline?  Who in their right mind would drive 200 miles to have sex with a 13 year old girl?  If you can believe it, Preston Wood Baptist  Minister Joe Barron is accused of doing just that.  (Police say he drive to Bryan, Texas to meet a 13 year old.  They found condoms and a web cam in his car.)

The rest of this rant is for all present and future child predators considering a meet up with a minor….

I can tell you right now, 99.9999 % of 13 year old girls will not agree to skip school and have sex with a 50 plus year old man. That means the young teen who did agree to the meet up with you is, in reality, a 200 pound, bullet proof vest wearing, male police officer complete with military style haircut and a 9mm pistol.  There is nothing sweet or innocent about him, his one goal in life is to arrest sickos and put them in jail.  The Detective that meets you could not be more opposite than a 13 year old girl.  Did I mention he will also be carrying handcuffs.

Grant’s Rant is here to serve the public and I have mixed feelings about scaring the child predators away.  I am confident a cop will be waiting for them, but just in case that preditor did find that 1 in a million 13 year old, that isn’t a cop, I recommend this:  All child predators cease and desist their quest to have sex with children. 

Since my recommendation is probably just a pipe dream, I might as well make one more reccomedation: All child predators should now go straight to their local police department and turn themselves in.  Save the 200 miles in gas money, save the hassle of an extradition hearing, a local trial is much easier.

Tony Romo forgot to do one thing before breaking up with Jessica Simpson.  That’s take singing lessons.  I know Jessica may not be the greatest singer in the world but she could certainly help Tony.

He looks pretty happy in Chicago singing “Take me out to the Ball Game.”  With a smile the size of Tank Johnson, Tony butchers the song made so famous by the late great Harry Caray.  Check it out for yourself.  (At least he gets the “ahhh 1, 2, 3! right)

This is about the time he was allegedly breaking up with Jessica Simpson.  He really doesn’t seem so upset does he?

In case you are to young to know or even remember who Harry Caray is, I found this clip for you. 

Now that’s how you sing “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”!

The Code Red Weather Warn System uses high-tech computers and old fashioned phone lines.  The system is clearly making some cities in North Texas safer.  Using information from the National Weather Service the Weather Warn system automatically calls those people signed up for the service that are in the direct line of the approaching storm.  It can make up to 3000 calls a minute and it gives people 10-15 minutes advanced notice.  Denton is one of the biggest cities using the system, residents there can sign up online.

Other cities using Code Red Weather Warn:

1. Mansfield
2. Argyle Fire District
3. Melissa
4. Sanger
5. Bridgeport
6. Paris
7. Midlothian
8. Hansford County

I’m told Collin County, Grapevine, Duncanville, Desoto and Cedar Hill are all gathering info on the system.  When seconds count, early warning saves live.  Use the system as one layer of protection.  A weather radio is a good tool and always listen for emergency sirens.

Tony Romo is a golfer.  Jessica Simpson is a woman.  The two do not always go hand in hand.  I have watched many of my golfing buddies slip into a state of utter despair and desperation when their wives and girlfriends mandate that golf take a back seat to the relationship.  Every true golfer knows, the “lure of the links” can overtake a man’s soul.

As evidence mounts that Tony and Jessica are over.  One has to wonder if golf played a role.  Just two weeks earlier Tony missed the cut to qualify for the U.S. Open.  We all know what Jessica did to his football abilities, what has she done to his swing!

Jessica is demanding and is eager for Tony’s undivided attention.  For a golfer, “undivided attention” is impossible to give.  Just ask my beautiful, terrific, smart, witty, funny, talented, understanding wife.  She puts up with me playing golf 3-4 times a week.  Never once does she complain, but let me tell you, Amy is in the minority.  Jessica Simpson strikes me as a woman that would complain and Tony strikes me as a man that won’t put up with that.  In the end, maybe, Tony is choosing his golf game over his girlfriend.

Let this be a lesson to women everywhere.  Let your man play as much golf as his heart desires!  In return, he’ll be happy and you will get lots of fancy dinners at great restaurants.  Right Honey?

First off it amazes me, just how many of you really care about this stuff.  But since you do, I will stay on top of the story for you.  Rumors have been flying that the Tony Romo and Jessica are on the splits-ville.  Even our own Newy Scruggs got sucked into the mix, quoting Star Magazine and TMZ.  Either way, reporting on the relationship that seems to have America captivated, is just a publicity stunt for bloggers and newspapers to get more readers.

In reality that’s what this post is about.  Sadly,  the above headline will generate more viewsthen most of my other Rants combined.  I’m not one to call my readers Suckers, but you fell for it!

But since I do try to serve you, Jessica’s PR Reps say the relationship is strong as ever.  The question is should we believe her?  I think they told the tabloids her and Nick Lachey were going even when the divorce was immanent.  For the real scoop we need to see what Tony has to say.

Parking spaces for “compact cars only” do not belong in Texas.  A compact car in Dallas means a Jeep Cherokee.  North Texans live for our trucks and massive SUVs.  Which brings me to the question, why do shopping centers and parking garages insist on marking tiny spaces for “compact cars only?”

These are spots at the Lincoln Park shopping plaza across from North Park on Central (above).  I don’t even think my buddy Joe Redmond’s Smart Car could fit into these spaces.  Definitely not next to that Caddy (which is not a compact car, by the way.)  The only thing the developer does by making spaces this small is insure that we all get door dings on our own cars and make a few on the cars next to us.

Make no mistake, non-compact car drivers feel like they (we) own the road anyway, you know they (I) will have no problem parking here, WE will just take up three spaces in doing it.  I have a plea to future developers, please just make parking spaces big enough to handle an average Texas vehicle.  (That means a Hummer H2)

There is nothing that angers me more than seeing a note on the bottom of a menu that reads, “NO SUBSTITUTIONS.”  The Executive Chef usually even has the gall to add a “Please.”  I can only ask, what culinary institution teaches a Chef to tell his customers, “My way or the highway!”  If the customer is always right, why not just give them what they want.  My guess is the Chef either has a giant ego or is just plain lazy.

If Chef’s are going to put notes at the bottom of menus telling people how to eat their food, than every steak house in America ought to have a note that says, “Steaks served medium rare only.”  When someone orders a $45 dollar steak “well done” I’m sure the chef cringes, but he still cooks it that way.

My wife Amy and I ate at Terrelli’s in Dallas yesterday for brunch.  We love this little Greenville Ave. gem for it’s great food and live Jazz.  But I couldn’t believe it when I saw the dreaded note at the bottom of the page, “because our meals are fresh to order, please, no substitutions, thank you.”  Call me crazy, but if I can’t ask for what I like, the meals are NOT made “to order.”  And a restaurant of Terilli’s caliber should not have to tell people meals are served “Fresh.”  That should be a given at any fine restaurant.

I had an Italian Sausage Omelet, my wife had the Frittata with Salami.  She didn’t want the salami, but apparently, God forbid, we ask the chef to leave it out.  You can’t tell me it would slow the entire kitchen down to leave the salami out of the frittata or even substitute it with some tomatoes, which is what Amy really wanted.

Every executive Chef I have spoken with tells me, if he has the ingredients, he will gladly make it for the customer.  Our all time favorite Dallas Restaurant is Three Forks Steak House.  This is a place that can serve 500-1000 people on any given night.  The executive chef there prides himself on giving his customers what THEY want and cooking it they way THEY like it, even though it may be a hassle or not the “right” way.

“NO SUBSTITUTIONS” give me a break!  To be fair, the food at Terilli’s was good, Amy just wanted some tomatoes.

Tony Romo has talent.  More talent then me and all my friends combined (Sorry guys).  I just want a little bit of his talent, not all of it, but a tiny slice that would give me a small piece of the Romo lifestyle. 

He’s the Quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys.

He’s a millionaire.

He’s Good Looking. (Yes, I’m in touch with my inner femininity enough to say that)

He dates hot chicks, even though his current babe, Jessica Simpson may be “to hot to handle and to cold to hold.” To quote Bobby Brown.

And he’s a scratch golfer!

Truthfully, I’m most envious of the scratch golfer part.  He fired up a 5 over par 75 at the old Oak Cliff Country Club, now the Golf Club of Dallas.  I struggle to break 80.  I’m not bad, but I’m not good either.  My 6 Handi-cap is about as good as it gets.  Even though I have 10 years to practice up for the senior tour, I realize it ain’t happening.

I do have more of something that Tony doesn’t have, Years.  It figures the one category I beat him in is the one category I’d rather lose.

I asked the question about which post would receive more views, the one about an abused dog or the one about two abused kids.  The dog story had 61 views compared to 8 views for the kids story.  The Dog story had 5 people comment, no one commented on the kids.

Each day Grant’s Rant had simialr traffic, up over 200 hits.  I actually knew the Dog would win the “Battle of the Outrage”, but I didn’t think it would be by that much.